Hostility Builds No One

Dear readers 

Many people seem to believe the the purpose of life is the pursuit of perfection. or was it just me? Perfectionism will be one of those life-long struggles, thorn on my side that I know I'll have for eternity.

Jesus said: Be ye therefore perfect.

So surely, that MUST mean we should never make mistakes, right? And to make mistakes means that we deserve punishment; that being less-than perfect warrants punishment; to give into indulgences like nutella jars for breakfast deserves punishment. 

That's just the thing. It's so contradictory. Pursuing perfection leads to self-punishment and I really don't think that's what the Saviour was trying to teach. 

Still a lesson I'm trying to learn. Let's learn together?

Earlier this week, my husband and I had a conversation about Finances. Oh ho. The big F in our marriage, lol. 

At some point, he made some light jibe at me which made me, of course, angry. Tempered woman that I am. I bit back in such a condescending tone that the tension in the room became palpable. I was seething. he didn't say anything, bless his heart. 

Because the tension was so bad, I also instantly felt bad. My dearest man never ever means to hurt me or my tender feelings. He never ever means to hurt me or anyone. 

The need for me to Be Right and Adhered To was sooo strong. But in the end, love for my husband won out. So I told myself, I know I love Lawrence and I know I lost my temper but how can I fix this up while still raising the point I need to discuss about our finances? 

It was like a miracle. After several minutes of mental anguish, these following words came to my mind:

Hostility Builds No One.

(President Russell M. Nelson, "Peacemakers Needed," April 2023 General Conference.) 

The storm within me settled. I apologised and then explained in simple terms my original point—the point I was trying to make before he poked the bear. He graciously took the lifeline of mercy by agreeing with me enthusiastically. Good boy. I knew he was smart when I married him.

This little interaction made me consider how harsh I was on myself growing up. I would constantly criticise myself, my behaviour and the way I failed to live the commandments of God perfectly. I took criticism to heart—All. The. Time. 

But that isn't what the Lord wants for us. Elder Holland said, "As children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to be," (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually," October 2017 General Conference.)

My expectations were extended to everyone around me. I thought I was being a Good Girl for telling my friends off for swearing. I actually thought I was "more holy" because I didn't use certain words, or because I dressed a certain way, or because I sang only church songs on Sunday. It's ridiculous this mindset. 

Although an uphill battle, I have worked hard to quash this sneaky natural man by studying the words of Christ and pondering what he really meant by the commandment to be perfect. Looking back, I've come so far. 

I've learned that there's no room in my heart for judgement AND love. 

This struggle that I have? It's a deadly pandemic in our church culture. 

In the spirit of learning as a family, I brought the topic up during a recent family home evening at my parent's house. Some missionaries participated and came up with beautiful insights. 

I will ask you the same question, and would love to hear your thoughts on this too. 

How might we build ourselves without falling into the trap of perfectionism? 

Here's what we came up with: 

• Replacing the words "Repent" with the words "I invite you." For example, in Helaman 7:17 "O repent ye, repent ye! Why will ye die? Turn ye, turn ye unto the Lord your God. Why has he forsaken you?" We might even replace the words with "I love you, I love you," because repentance is a joyful thing, not a punishment for us.
• The One Percent Principle is something that is popularised by James Clear in his book "Atomic Habits." In 2021, Elder Michael A. Dunn also references this principle. He says, "Instead of trying to perfect everything, what if we tackled just one thing?" (Elder Michael A. Dunn, "One Percent Better" October 2021 General Conference)
• We all speak our native language perfectly, but it didn't happen in one day. There is no shortcut to perfection.
• A painting, once finished, is perfect. There are things in life that reach perfection by its meeting its measure of creation - by meeting its purpose. 
• A "perfect" photograph is better achieved by taking multiple shots than by just waiting for the one perfect shot
• King Benjamin was an industrious, peaceful, and good king. He was successful, saying "Yet, my brethren, I have not done these things that I might boast neither do I tell these things that thereby I might accuse you; but I tell you these things that ye may know that I can answer a clear conscience before God this day," (Mosiah 2:15) The reason why King Benjamin has a clear conscience is because he placed 100% into all his efforts.
• Giving 100%, or all, into our efforts is within our control but we cannot control the end result - that is not something we have control over. Our efforts are what matter most, that is the measurable thing that will keep our conscience clear.
• Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness," not so encouraging so far but bear with me, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me... then will I make weak things become strong unto them." As an individual about to start my career, this principle spoke volumes to me. The idea is that when someone corrects me, or criticises me, it's not a negative thing but an opportunity to better myself. And that, is always a blessing. I do want to better myself professionally because I care about my performance as a paramedic. 

I know this is a lot. We had a fantastic discussion that night. And let it be known that what actually sparked this conversation was a talk given by my sister. She is the one that inspired me to delve deeper into these thoughts of perfectionism.

So I'd like to know your thoughts, too. How do you build yourself or others in a Christ-like way?

I finish quoting the wise words of a living prophet 

"If we admit that honestly and are trying to improve, we are not hypocrites; we are human. May we refuse to let our own mortal follies, and the inevitable shortcomings of even the best men and women around us, make us cynical about the truths of the gospel, the truthfulness of the Church, our hope for our future, or the possibility of godliness." (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually," October 2017 General Conference.)

Written with love,

Eliza.

Anger Never Persuades

 Dear readers 

Have you ever been so ANGRY you've wanted to kill someone? 

One time when I killed a couple of ants, more ants came and then it turned into a bunch of ants. Before I knew it, I was killing so many ants and they literally started to swarm the whole floor so I stopped. I was doing this outdoors, so I just ran away from the whole situation. I promptly let go of my hate of ants and I kid you not, to this day, I never stomp or  squish ants. I just flick them and pray it lives so that its whole colony doesn't come and bother me. I mean I still hate ants, I just no longer kill them. 

I hate hate

I know, hate is a strong word. My parents discouraged my use of the word hate as much as curse words. But it truly bothers me that people who disagree are unable to communicate and exist without hating each other. Hate precedes violence. Hate precedes wars. Hate precedes the public murder of political figures. It is hate that perpetuates the celebration of those that have been killed by hate. 

I think you know that I'm talking about. 

Someone recently shared their views on Charlie Kirk's death. They were passionate in their belief about how his death was being used as a scapegoat or a distraction to cover up the bombings sanctioned by a certain world power. I was shocked because I had never thought of his death being a form of public manipulation. I was shocked because I think there may be some truth to this—evidenced by how much social media coverage this tragic incident is getting. 

Reminder: Thank you for being respectful as I open up discussions on sensitive matters. I appreciate all thoughts, although I do have my firm beliefs, I try to be open-minded too. So here's my two cents that no one asked for. 

I think Charlie Kirk's murder was profoundly horrible. But I also think that murder and all violence borne by hate is profoundly horrible. I think it hurts the human race collectively. It hurts our humanity as a whole. So I also think that sanctioning bombs on enemies -—especially on communities filled with innocent families that have not signed up to any war, is just as morally wrong, no matter their ideology or way of life. 

Wars and Rumours of Wars 

I told my friend that I think it is so awful what is happening in the Israeli-Palestinian war, and I think death anywhere is just awful. It literally makes me so sad to think of anyone suffering from so much violence, especially violence motivated by hate. Both scenarios; wars, and political assassinations, affects me as an individual and all of us as the Human Race. The death of all innocents from violence makes me sad. It soothed my heart when my friend agreed.  They were able to retract some of the hate they hadn't realised they harboured against someone who didn't deserve to die. 

They then went on to share an experience about how they spoke with a loved one affected by the war. This war made my friend's loved one declare hate towards all Israelis and a burning desire for them all to die. How shocking. My friend thought so too, saying "Do you hate even the little children? Do you want them to die?" 

I did a light research on the topic of hatred and found that Book of Mormon reveals that the Lord is aware of such predicaments. 

4 Nephi 1:9 captures the endless cycle of feuding nations, the Nephites and the Lamanites, "And they were taught to hate the children of God, even as the Lamanites were taught to hate the children of Nephi from the beginning."

The Saviour teaches us to overcome this hatred with love. He says, "But behold I say unto you, love your enemies⁠, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you," (Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ 3 Nephi 12:44).

Ideologies can be changed. The world can change! But not through violence and oppression. 

"Anger never persuades." 

This one statement is what inspired this week's blog entry. It was given by President Nelson, leader of my church organisation, in a FaceBook Video. 

With all the confusion and hatred and violence occurring on a daily basis on the global and personal level ... it's so hard to find the answers on solutions to all these problems. 

What is it I always promote whenever I have questions? 

Heavenly sources. 

I am filled with so much peace and joy to be able to tell you that God has foreseen this in our day and he has provided prophets to help us navigate this dark world. 

My favourite person walking the earth is named President Russell M. Nelson, he is a prophet, seer and revelator. Meaning—he has visions from God and lets us know what God would have us hear. He is also a whooping 101 years old this year which is just superb. Have you ever listened to the pearls of wisdom from a centennial (person who has lived 100+ years)? Have you ever heard from a centennial who is an ordained prophet of God? I have! 

He says that anger never persuades. Hostility builds no one. He encourages us to be peacemakers. He says that we CAN change the world, one person at a time, one gesture and one kind word at a time. 

If you have NOT already seen this video I'm referring to, please find the link for it at the end of this blog post. 

May it inspire you to be kind. May we all be open-minded instead of blinded with hatred. 

I don't want anyone reading this to get too bogged down on the Charlie Kirk tragedy, or the tragedies of war. Instead, I leave you with an inspired question that I would love for you to answer in a comment: 

How can we be peacemakers even when we disagree with others? What does that look like in the every day scenario? Can you think of a time when you were blessed because someone chose peacemaking instead of contention?

Also, how can you persuade me to love ants? Help, pls. 

Written with love, 

Eliza.

https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1FBLVJ85uX/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Heavenly Father's Day

 Happy Father's day to all the dads out there. 

And to all men in the tribe that help raise the future generation—this day was for you, too. So, to uncles, friends, cousins, grandfathers, brothers, husbands without children... Please know that this is the day your part in society is celebrated. 

And happy father's day to our dearest Heavenly Father, the Deity and Omnipotent Being that created us! Making us ALL spiritual brothers and sisters. 

"All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny."

(The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Paragraph 2, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995).

I was thinking about why it is so important to be obedient to our Heavenly Father and His many commandments. 

And of all my musings, I think that this week, I needed to focus on something really important. 

Obedience brings blessings!

President Russell M. Nelson teaches us that obedience to the laws of God blesses us today AND paves the way to our eternal reward (Facebook Video). 

Although it's sometimes hard to see the blessings during chaotic chapters in our lives—I promise you that they are there. God still loves us even when we are being tested. 

Earlier this morning something so funny and so embarrassing happened. I have the blessed opportunity every Sunday to participate in the sacrament program by playing the piano accompaniment in leading the congregational hymns. I love it! I'll never be as good as my brother, but I love playing the piano and I love it even more when people sing. 

Problem is, I NEED the sheet music in order to play. I never memorise the songs I play, I always, always, always read the music. Without it, I am blind. 

So what happens when my tablet device, (34% battery before we left!) is down to 3% during the first song? 

Unfortunately the tablet died sometime during the third verse and I died in shame. I'm writing this to you from my grave. 

However, the beautiful chorister continued to lead the congregation in song anyway and so the remainder of the hymn was sung in acapella. 

As I was dying in shame, I was berating myself sooo much for not being prepared enough. I was so embarrassed, I had never let the ward down like that before. And at the same time, I was also so grateful that everyone kept singing. I love my ward. 

I realise that, just like Heavenly Father's commandments, without the sheet music, I was so lost. And the people in church knew the song and they had the music on their devices too. So even if I was lost, thankfully, not everyone was. 

That said. I will never ever let that happen again. 

We are never alone. We are all born into families! And I am so grateful for my family, because I am sure without them and the strength and song they feed into me, I would be a lost little lamb. 

I am so grateful for my father, my husband, my father in law, my uncles cousins and even my older brother. Earlier today, I was napping with baby at my parents house. Baby woke up before I was ready to! He was crying so loudly and I couldn't settle him. My brother walks into the room and just quietly takes him from me, letting me rest. Baby stopped crying as soon as he was picked up. See what I mean? It takes a village to raise a child and I am so grateful for my village. Saved by my village, again! 

Let me emphasise, that my village is here because of Heavenly Father. He intends us to make it back to Him as families. He loves us and knows what is best for us. That's why the proclamation to the world is so important. That is why being obedient is so important. We are nothing in the face of God's power and Almighty, we are dust. We think we know so much, we think we have it all prepared, but as soon as you take away the sheet music, as soon as the laws of the gospel of Jesus Christ disappear, we're left stumbling and guessing! We're left at the mercy of those who have the music to continue the song. 

Forget that for a moment. I said earlier that the important thing here are the blessings. So what ARE the blessings you have received TODAY because of obedience to God's commandments? 

Mine? In addition to feeling peace and forgiveness despite my big stuff up at church today... I would have to say that the law of chastity and keeping my marriage covenants has blessed me immensely without complete fulfilment in my marriage and two beautiful children. 

"Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ."

(The First Presidency and Council of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Paragraph 7, The Family: A Proclamation to the World, 1995). 

Sooo many gems in that powerful proclamation—I invite you to study it out in your mind, and pray to know if it is true. I promise God answers our prayers! 

Written with love, 

Eliza.