Dear readers
Many people seem to believe the the purpose of life is the pursuit of perfection. or was it just me? Perfectionism will be one of those life-long struggles, thorn on my side that I know I'll have for eternity.
Jesus said: Be ye therefore perfect.
So surely, that MUST mean we should never make mistakes, right? And to make mistakes means that we deserve punishment; that being less-than perfect warrants punishment; to give into indulgences like nutella jars for breakfast deserves punishment.
That's just the thing. It's so contradictory. Pursuing perfection leads to self-punishment and I really don't think that's what the Saviour was trying to teach.
Still a lesson I'm trying to learn. Let's learn together?
Earlier this week, my husband and I had a conversation about Finances. Oh ho. The big F in our marriage, lol.
At some point, he made some light jibe at me which made me, of course, angry. Tempered woman that I am. I bit back in such a condescending tone that the tension in the room became palpable. I was seething. he didn't say anything, bless his heart.
Because the tension was so bad, I also instantly felt bad. My dearest man never ever means to hurt me or my tender feelings. He never ever means to hurt me or anyone.
The need for me to Be Right and Adhered To was sooo strong. But in the end, love for my husband won out. So I told myself, I know I love Lawrence and I know I lost my temper but how can I fix this up while still raising the point I need to discuss about our finances?
It was like a miracle. After several minutes of mental anguish, these following words came to my mind:
Hostility Builds No One.
(President Russell M. Nelson, "Peacemakers Needed," April 2023 General Conference.)
The storm within me settled. I apologised and then explained in simple terms my original point—the point I was trying to make before he poked the bear. He graciously took the lifeline of mercy by agreeing with me enthusiastically. Good boy. I knew he was smart when I married him.
This little interaction made me consider how harsh I was on myself growing up. I would constantly criticise myself, my behaviour and the way I failed to live the commandments of God perfectly. I took criticism to heart—All. The. Time.
But that isn't what the Lord wants for us. Elder Holland said, "As children of God, we should not demean or vilify ourselves, as if beating up on ourselves is somehow going to make us the person God wants us to be," (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, "Be Ye Therefore Perfect—Eventually," October 2017 General Conference.)
My expectations were extended to everyone around me. I thought I was being a Good Girl for telling my friends off for swearing. I actually thought I was "more holy" because I didn't use certain words, or because I dressed a certain way, or because I sang only church songs on Sunday. It's ridiculous this mindset.
Although an uphill battle, I have worked hard to quash this sneaky natural man by studying the words of Christ and pondering what he really meant by the commandment to be perfect. Looking back, I've come so far.
I've learned that there's no room in my heart for judgement AND love.
This struggle that I have? It's a deadly pandemic in our church culture.
In the spirit of learning as a family, I brought the topic up during a recent family home evening at my parent's house. Some missionaries participated and came up with beautiful insights.
I will ask you the same question, and would love to hear your thoughts on this too.
How might we build ourselves without falling into the trap of perfectionism?
Here's what we came up with:
- Replacing the words "Repent" with the words "I invite you." For example, in Helaman 7:17 "O repent ye, repent ye! Why will ye die? Turn ye, turn ye unto the Lord your God. Why has he forsaken you?" We might even replace the words with "I love you, I love you," because repentance is a joyful thing, not a punishment for us.
- The One Percent Principle is something that is popularised by James Clear in his book "Atomic Habits." In 2021, Elder Michael A. Dunn also references this principle. He says, "Instead of trying to perfect everything, what if we tackled just one thing?" (Elder Michael A. Dunn, "One Percent Better" October 2021 General Conference)
- We all speak our native language perfectly, but it didn't happen in one day. There is no shortcut to perfection.
- A painting, once finished, is perfect. There are things in life that reach perfection by its meeting its measure of creation - by meeting its purpose.
- A "perfect" photograph is better achieved by taking multiple shots than by just waiting for the one perfect shot
- King Benjamin was an industrious, peaceful, and good king. He was successful, saying "Yet, my brethren, I have not done these things that I might boast neither do I tell these things that thereby I might accuse you; but I tell you these things that ye may know that I can answer a clear conscience before God this day," (Mosiah 2:15) The reason why King Benjamin has a clear conscience is because he placed 100% into all his efforts.
- Giving 100%, or all, into our efforts is within our control but we cannot control the end result - that is not something we have control over. Our efforts are what matter most, that is the measurable thing that will keep our conscience clear.
- Ether 12:27 "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness," not so encouraging so far but bear with me, "I give unto men weakness that they may be humble, and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me... then will I make weak things become strong unto them." As an individual about to start my career, this principle spoke volumes to me. The idea is that when someone corrects me, or criticises me, it's not a negative thing but an opportunity to better myself. And that, is always a blessing. I do want to better myself professionally because I care about my performance as a paramedic.
No comments:
Post a Comment