The Sproodle Sprawl

Dear readers 

*cue sneeze* 

Ugh. It's really hard to write about something uplifting when I feel so sick. This is perhaps the third entry now that I've drafted. My first attempts just didn't seem right. Like I'd be selling a version of myself that isn't authentic to how I'm really feeling. 

So I've dedicated this post to the one thing that never fails to make me happy: Bilbo.

The Sproodle Sprawl 

Bilbo sleeping in his favourite position which we call "The Sproodle Sprawl"

For those who don't know, Bilbo is my furbaby. He is a 1.5 year old sproodle (springer spaniel x poodle) who loves me very, very much. Even as I write this, bedridden, Bilbo sleeps at the bottom of my bed, apparently not caring about anything else happening in the house, not even what Ella is eating for dinner. He loves me, you see, and I love him soo much. 

I love him so much, that I never eat my dinner before his. I always make sure he has his dinner before I eat, even if I've just come home and I'm tired and hungry. Because Bilbo can't make his food, and it's just not fair to make him watch me eat.

Uh-oh. Bilbo and I have just been discovered by Daisy, the little pup. There she goes, licking my computer screen. Sigh. It's obvious she's been looking for us.

Anyway. When I was living in Adelaide, I used to feel lonely all the time. Quite literally, a lot of my time was spent alone, even some nights when Lawrence had to work night shifts. To this day, being home alone gives me anxiety. My most worst feelings and experiences have come out of those moments. 

So Bilbo came into our lives, and now, I quite literally, am never alone. I can't tell you what a blessing it is to have a dog. And not just any dog, but to have Bilbo. He makes it his job to always know where I am in the house. When he was a young puppy, he used to cry when he saw me putting my socks on. Because he knows that means that I'll be putting on shoes and going out. (I just always tell him, "Bilbo, mummy has to go out right now. Mummy doesn't want to go out, mummy would always rather be with Bilbo. Every moment mummy is away from you, mummy wishes Bilbo was with her.") It kinda feels really amazing to be so loved like that. 

So ever since he was young, Bilbo has made it a mission to always know where I am in the house. It's not unlikely to hear a scratching/knocking noise at my bathroom door. Or for him to open the door completely and just ... accompany me and have a sleep while I have a shower. lol. 

And then Daisy, my Dad's little puppy, came into the picture, and now I have two little shadows around the house. And life has only gotten better with the two of them around. 

It's really easy to feel comfortable at home by myself nowadays ... to the point that sometimes it's all that I want, lol. Just me and my dog. 

Too Much of Anything is Bad For You 

When I was younger, my older sibling once told me that "too much of anything is bad for you," which is a tip that I've since given to my little sister. It is good to want to achieve good things, it is good to have things in moderation. But there is such a thing of too much, for example, serving too much, especially when it leads to burn out. Which has happened to me many times before, and may very well be the reason why I'm sick today. 

I literally had every single waking hour planned during the last  Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and even Monday which was a public holiday. All of which went to kaput during a meltdown Friday night which led to me cancelling at least three of my plans. I cancelled almost all the plans that had something to do with putting others before myself, and I ended up keeping the plans that I wanted to do for myself. Like I rescheduled early-morning plans to do something for primary because that had nothing to do with myself, but I kept my dinner party plans because that had everything to do with me having fun.

Before I became a missionary, and while I was preparing, I studied the life and ministry of the Saviour Jesus Christ. You know what I discovered? That the Lord used his time very productively. Every account is of him teaching, serving, performing a miracle, praying, fasting, healing, etc. And as a missionary, I wanted so much to be like him. And I accomplished that. If you follow the mission rules, you automatically spend your time productively. Literally, every waking hour of my day as a missionary was spent towards the service of others. Even my own personal study hour was spent studying the scriptures looking for answers to questions and concerns of others. I worked hard. I worked smart. What made this humanly possible, I am still not sure. Probably because it was my calling to do this and whomever the Lord calls, the Lord magnifies. And yet, although I keep trying to go back to my missionary lifestyle, I think the Spirit is telling me that I really need to lead the kind of healthy lifestyle that not only serves others, but also serves me. How interesting is that?

I think that maybe for the first time in my life, I've had to say no to going out of my way to serve someone (someone I hardly know, actually, literally never met). And I do not feel the one bit guilty at all. Just to repeat that, I did not feel guilty for saying no. I actually, truthfully, felt at peace.

It would have been too much. And that is absolutely okay, even with the Lord. I felt it in my mind and in my heart, angels be witness.

The Saviour was asked multiple times to come to Lazarus' aid at once, to heal him, to save him. But the Saviour was ministering to a different crowd of people at the time. Even the Saviour had to "say no" in his own way. This account always left an impression on me, because it is perhaps the only account we have where the Lord did not immediately do the miracle-thing he does in every other account. He takes his time. Three days, I think it was. 

I think it is absolutely fine to serve others as often as we can, but it is also okay to say no especially if our efforts are needed elsewhere, which in my case, it was. And just like how Lazarus was okay in the end, the people that apparently needed me were also okay in the end. It worked out without my assistance. I also believe that since we are only human, we have to obey the commandment to be organised in every needful thing. 

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God. (Doctrine and Covenants 88:119).

And I think this scripture means that we have to look after our own house, even our own bodies which house our eternal spirit. 

Meh, that's the end of this post. I'm still kinda confused about my message; but basically it's this. From now on, I'm going to do better to put myself and my wellbeing first, so then afterwards I can have the strength and capacity to serve others.

My other message to you is to. I love my dog. 

(Daisy, sigh, just kinda sat on my laptop. She's a puppy, but she's growing, so she's getting used to her new size.)

But seriously, Bilbo has improved my lifestyle so much. And not just because he's really cute and well-behaved and cuddly. But because I've also had to raise him that way, and that pride and effort and hard work has matured me too.

I mean. Life is hard. But Bilbo is really cute, so why give up? 

Written with love,

Eliza.