I want to write about something personal. Someone recently asked me what the purpose for my blog writing was. Obviously, it is not very popular. And although I do want more readers, publicity was never my goal.
Yes, I have a theme. Every day miracles in an ordinary life. The idea was the see the beautiful in the bleak, to feel the joy in my pains, and feel God's presence while my heart was breaking.
But my blog writing is also therapeutic to me. My journal writing, being private, had become ever so depressing. Picking up my previous journals in a hard time of my life always makes me feel sad. I had felt so lonely. I had felt like there was no hope, and you can feel it with every word I wrote in those pages.
So I started blog writing with an intended audience to force myself to look at the bright side of things as I work through the things in my mind that have made significant impact on me and shaped who I am today.
Today, with permission, without too many details, and hopefully without offending anyone, I am going to talk about my first year of marriage.
Two years ago I was supposed to be the happiest woman alive living in a fairy tale. But instead, I missed my family terribly--and never admitted it to myself--and felt very alone and lived with someone who I realised, although I loved very much, did not know completely. And he did not know me completely either. Not to dramatise my experience, but my husband and I were simply very new at being married and had to learn with each how to treat other as husband/wife. And it was really difficult for me because I refused to admit that I actually needed a stronger support system. It took me going to see a psychologist to realise that I didn't have a strong enough support system, as much as I love my friends that I had at the time. It wasn't enough.
Things were not good. Outwardly, I suppose it looked like I was winning. I was studying to be a paramedic, a very competitive course to be studying at the university that I was going to. I was working part time, which is a huge blessing in South Australia. I had a calling that I absolutely adored. Really kept me on my toes though, I miss those kids that I served. I said yes to practically anything that came my way. Working with the missionaries. Playing piano for the church congregation. Helping to clean houses. Helping to move. Giving rides. Dropping off dinner. Visiting a lonely friend. All the while balancing being a wife to Lawrence, who was equally as busy as me, if not busier because he had to handle me at my worst, lol. But everything was falling a part.
My mental health, I have mentioned in a previous post named The Unwanted, went spiralling downwards.
I remember sitting at our piano stool and praying. I prayed. I said, God, if there ever was an angel on earth, better send me one now.
And then I remembered that there was one text message that I hadn't replied to yet. It came from yesterday afternoon. I decided to reply to this number and ask for them to come.
So the angels came.
They sang, they laughed, they hugged, they played music. They prayed. They kissed me goodbye. And then they left.
When these dear friends of mine left, I was alone again in my apartment. But I knelt down in gratitude to my God who I know heard my prayer and was very aware of my circumstance.
Lawrence and I started doing this particular thing together when we realised that we were having serious problems, problems that were affecting both of us, not just me. We started to fast together for a very specific purpose. We prayed and fasted once a month that the trials we went through would make our marriage stronger. We did this consistently for perhaps six months until we moved to Sydney.
And Heavenly Father, as always, has delivered on His promise.
To my dear readers, I believe in miracles. And I find miracles in my every day life because I am a covenant keeper. I have covenanted to serve God, and in return He makes me miracles.
I wouldn't have lived our first year of marriage any other way. Although I made mistakes, I wouldn't have learned as much without them.
And Lawrence and I have had many hard and difficult discussions, as I imagine most couples, or even all couples do. But with God's guiding hands, our marriage is in a good and even great place right now. For me anyway, lol.
Dear reader, I hope you get to be someone's angel one day. And I hope God sends you angels when you need them to come to you.
Written with love,
Eliza.
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